Jesus Mary & Joseph, this was a niiiightmare. Let's just say I'm technologically challenged!
Anyway, here's my contribution. I was very nervous and looking very eye baggy. I'm certainly not a writer. No, really...I'm not. Really! But, it is straight from the heart.
Please pardon the preamble ramble and the stuff up around saying 'staying present'. I kept saying pregnant. On looking back on it I realise that I probably should have done it again, but, this was the third attempt and I was running out of time. So, it's me, warts and all.
Thanks again Angie. This has been very therapeutic, and just a little bit scary.
Thank you for posting this Kate, I know I was pretty nervous when I recorded mine. Hope you enjoyed your well deserved cup of tea afterwards. I think I posted my second attempt in the end, slip ups and all, because it was just too scary to do it again!
ReplyDeleteYou're so right. There's always that internal dialogue that churns away, making all those remarks that are too difficult or otherwise unfit for public consumption. And just wanting to go back to normal, to those pre-elephant days, I hear you, I soooo hear you. I wish it were possible for you, for me, for all of us here.
It was painful to read the account of your conversation with Xavier but it was even more painful to hear you speak about it. Just made it seem even more immediate somehow. I'm dreading having to try and explain it all, a death that is so disordered and out of order.
It is all, as you so rightly say, so fucking fucked up. And I don't swear as a general rule but if there is ever an occasion to bring out my big grown up swearing voice then this is it. Sigh. Yup, fucking fucked up. I'm sorry. I do so wish it hadn't happened to you and to your Joseph.
And I love your accent xoxo
Kate. Well. This was, ummm, I don't even have words. Okay maybe brilliant will suffice. Thank you for being as real as it gets. It was so lovely to see and hear you :) Wishing you and your boys all the love in the world xx
ReplyDeleteDo you know I LOVE YOU???
ReplyDeleteMy god, it's you...
I loved hearing you read your post...your brilliant.
You know I posted a response to this post previously but the post was initially read with my voice...not yours. Certainly Joseph's death was not IN ORDER!
Just makes me want to cus...fucking hell! this is SO wrong. The other thing I REALLY GET from this post is watching your other children. Man, Seeing them play and knowing one is missing. I really get that. ugh. Hugs to you lady!
this was amazing! This is the first one that i have seen, and after yours i spent hours searching for others. Its good to hear your voice, i love your accent, and all of you! I hate that we do have a dialoge that plays in our mind while we are with friends and family. I wish we could turn it off! Im sorry and wish you were holding your Joseph! xoxo
ReplyDeleteThankyou all. It's been a double-edged-sword-enjoyable experience. To do my own but also (and maybe moreso) to hear everyone elses. I vlogging instead of blogging from now on!
ReplyDeleteYou are such an AMAZING, INCREDIBLE group of women (and Josh!). And I really, dearly love you all. Is that possible in a cyber world?! xoxoxo
Kate - I cried when I read this post but, oh my goodness, hearing it (in your lovely accent, I seriously love it!) ... the wrongness of it all is so raw and so there. And my heart broke a little more with your "Freudian slip" too. So not right, so not fair. Hope you enjoyed a good, strong cuppa! And thank you for daring to put yourself out there - it was good to connect in this way with you.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comment Kate!
ReplyDeleteSuch a good post. I feel like I'm repeating myself with the comments I leave while "touring" this blog round-up. However, there are so many parts of each of your stories that I can relate to and understand. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteOh, Kate. Oh, my heart. This is so perfect and heartbreaking and beautifully read. I feel so lucky to have been able to hear and see you read this. You are so beautiful, and I love your voice (rounded vowels or no).
ReplyDeleteI took great pleasure in hearing you say, aloud, how fucked up this all is, because it is. So much love to you and your Joseph, and to Xavier.
Thank you for your honesty and raw emotions. I was nervous as shit to post mine. Thanks for giving me the courage. You took the words out of my mouth-only your sounded much better than mine. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteThat seems how it is a lot. You think you're ok but then wham! You find out you're really not as ok as you though your were. ♥
ReplyDeleteYou're awesome, Kate. And your love, pain, anger and protectiveness shines through.
ReplyDeleteI for one loved having another Aussie on board. Been so nice to connect with you through this fucked up community.
xo
Holy shit how did I miss this!!!? Sending love and light mamma.. this project has been so amazing.
ReplyDeleteThat was beautiful - I think what struck me most was that it gave me such a clear picture of Xavier... It's nice to 'meet' another of your lovely boys.
ReplyDelete